Bittersweet Symphony

This is a "repost" from September 2016.  It tells the story about how I have become like a conductor - orchestrating my way around Multiple Sclerosis.   

Bittersweet YES - but beautiful just the same.   These words give voice to what that feels like.  

(Thank you to my sister Pat, for the beautiful illustration) 

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With my hands clutching a small imaginary baton, I feel a sense of power. At my command a symphony lies waiting to be composed with a melody waiting to be heard. The players are all assembled eager to please. I am perched high on the podium, self conscious and wary of my ability to bring this song to life.

I am ready to let go and give in, releasing myself from any feelings of despair. In return for this release, I gain confidence in my capacity to create a masterpiece. I am the conductor and responsible for all that follows from the movement of my baton.

Every morning when I arise I am faced with the reality of my circumstances; but I understand that my job is not for the light-hearted. And I understand that the show must always go on, no matter how I feel. I channel my longing to pickup and play these instruments before me. They are within my grasp but better suited for those treasured “players” in my life who gladly, lovingly and joyfully carry the weight of each note. I am but the catalyst to bring this symphony to a swelling crescendo.

And so, I begin to direct - unifying the performers, setting the tempo, listening attentively, correcting critically and shaping the sound of the ensemble. I make adjustments, work out interpretations and relay my vision for the score.

Each guiding stroke moves us wondrously closer to a newly constructed rendition of a timeless classic.