Showing posts from October, 2016

The Greatest of These...

On any given day what my spirit needs and longs for is subject to change. With a backward glance, each moment and season of my life is perfectly fitted into a glorious rainbow. The many colors of the spectrum can be separated into distinct characteristics. My needs weaved together in a patterned tapestry of magnificent beauty.

I call to mind my need for love in the many shades ofRED. The freshness ofORANGEhas me bathed in goodness. Peace and acceptance blend together in the hues ofYELLOWand GREEN. The effervescent tints ofBLUEappear to quench my thirst to trust. And the greatest of these colors,VIOLETbreaks through to become a Beacon of Hope.
How vividly I recall the day I removed Violet from my Grandmother's Rainbow.

She was sick with a heart condition that would eventually take her life.Each doctor indicating, “it was only a matter of time”.But still Nan continued to live with the hope of getting better. “What do you think the doctors will try next?”“When will I begin to feel better?”�…

Ringing Phone

The humming from my cell phone startles me.The doctor’s name clearly displayed, takes away any of the mystery found in a ringing phone.I pause and take a deep breath, then release the extra air caught in my lungs before pressing the answer button.Days have slowly moved to weeks then crawled to months of waiting for this very call.

I want to answer with a cheerful greeting, “Good evening Dr. K and thank you for calling”.I want my voice to conceal the angst I am feeling in the pit of my stomach.There is a sour taste of bile in my mouth now overshadowing the seasonal pumpkin latte I was enjoying.
My dreams have been invaded with the waiting of this call.Some nights offering me comfort as the conversation moves us to a new treatment option for a cure.Other nights, which are more frequent, I wake in a cold sweat learning the fate of my remaining life.Upon lying down each night, I am at the mercy of my imagination to set the stage for my dreaming.
I have yet to press the green button to accept…

Eye Has Not Seen

When he brought over all the paraphernalia, I didn’t know whether to be really angry or really sad.  My father-in-law meant well, thinking only about my well being.  I would have none of that “stuff” in the house.  It was banished to the garage in that “out of sight, out of mind” place.  Really, did he think these things were essential and that someday I would need them?  Did he see something miraculous and healing that I just wasn’t seeing? All the anger I felt came from my pride and all the sadness from my fear.
Pride has a way of distorting your vision.The idea that we can control our destiny and plan our fate is an arrogant notion.I have spent the better part of my prayer life “Giving it to God” & “Letting Go”.But yet, I felt I had some authority and command over my ability to walk without the use of any aids (which were now piling high).I saw each of these things as a spotlight telling the world that I had a “problem”.It took away my ability to fake my symptoms and be normal.I …

Lesser of Two Evils

When my son was growing up he delighted in a game I liked to call - The lesser of Two Evils.  “Would you rather be a passenger in an airplane about to crash or in a car driving off a bridge?” Would you rather be shot in the back or with an arrow through the heart?” “Would you rather be held down in the deep end of the pool or stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks.” He could and would continue for hours!
My daughters would simply disregard his annoying and menacing questions choosing instead to shake their heads and ignore him (the price for not having a brother to share in the fun).Ken played along, but after a while begged for mercy from his disturbing imagination.I often found myself taking a few calculated minutes of thought, to pick the lesser of these evils.Most times I cried out for him to stop, realizing this game was both ridiculous and quite alarming.
Was I raising a monster or an inquisitive child?Looking back now, this little game would offer a valuable life lesson.…