Shish Kebob

I am not a person who easily gives away a moments sleep.  I need (truly need) 8 hours a night without interruption.  But that devilish invitation to run wild in the playground of terror was unavoidable the past few nights.  Just like that – I am alert and giving life to imagined scenarios.     

         Writing about it in the light – makes those feelings of dread I experienced (during those ungodly hours of night) seem crazy.  But there I was, tossing and turning, going over every detail (actual or imagined) about my failed attempt to host a party.  With all the possible anxieties to hold me captive, the food I chose to prepare & serve became my tormentor! 

I woke reliving how everything prepared tasted terrible.

(Oh Lord, Shish Kebob)

I felt embarrassed and ashamed of the presentation to my guests.

(Good God, Shish Kebob)

I feared the possibility I might have poisoned everyone.

(Have Mercy, Shish Kebob)

Could chicken and beef skewers really have that much power over me?

         On the third night of waking up panicked about Shish Kebob, I stopped the demon in its tracks!   I realized that I was my own worst enemy – listening to a wicked tune.  The get-together, love and laughter shared should have been the lullaby soothing me to sleep.   I had taken my eye off of what was good and allowed Shish Kebob to fill me with foolish worries.

Next time your mind is occupied and fears lead you on a path

of sleeplessness, ask yourself …    Is it something real?  

Or quite possibly, is it just Shish Kebob?

A Storm is Brewing

I knew it in my bones, felt the atmospheric pressure change.  It was a long way in the distance but nonetheless the warning signs were there.  The day before me held clear skies and bright sunshine with the promise of warm temperatures. All seemed as it should for this September day.

Oh, but a storm was brewing...

Leaving my house for work today meant slow and steady steps.  The amount of energy it took to dress, drive the car, unlock the office door and sit at my desk was nothing short of a marathon.  I took a moment to celebrate the victory of completing these events by lifting my arms and raising my eyes upward - as any triumphant marathon runner would do!  The routine of my job allowed for a slower pace.  The kindness displayed by my boss confirmed her admiration and respect.  The day's work was before me and I chipped away at each task.

Oh, but a storm was brewing and could now be seen...

I pushed back my chair and took a deep breath.  With that cleansing and refreshing intake of air - I gained a new perspective.  Today was to be another day of acceptance.  These moments come slowly to me, gently and usually with clarity.  Over the course of my illness, I have experienced many of these moments.  I love the saying, "God meets you wherever you are..."  and I believe in these moments of grace - God gives me a stronger sense of purpose.

Now the storm is raging but I have my umbrella and rainboots...

I am suddenly aware that my quest to continue working as before simply cannot be.  I feel a sense of freedom recognizing this truth and gain a deeper acceptance of my limitations - not with heaviness of heart or any feelings of failure.  As the rain pours down - I am protected by having the faith to know and trust that I can withstand this storm.

"God meets you wherever you are (in the storm) - 

but refuses to leave you there."

~ Praying for all those struggling after the devastating hurricanes~