Mercy Drops

The sky seemed to open - pouring down rain upon this already dreaded Monday morning. Parting the curtains, I look out my bedroom window to see gray overcast clouds all around. 

I am instantly reminded of something I read the night before,

“We’ve all experienced showers of blessings – mercy drops falling around us”

These words tugged at my heart so I took that moment & jotted down the phrase.

~  Showers of blessings   ~  mercy drops falling  ~

Never could I have imagined the storm that would befall our lives the very next day.

The house phone on the nightstand rings, immediately setting the day into motion. I look at the clock flashing 7:30am and think, “It’s kind of early for anyone to be checking in”.  Upon answering and hearing the sadness in Michael’s voice – I am suddenly wide-awake.  He did not have to say anything or go into detail because I knew.... Kathi had lost the battle she had been fighting for her life.

I try my best to say something to console his aching heart.  I hang up quickly (allowing Michael to continue the litany of early calls he needed to make).  As Ken returns to the room, he is unaware of the news waiting to shatter the embrace of life’s routine.

I say a quick prayer asking God’s protection over her soul.  My heart is full of thanks and gratitude for God’s promise of eternal rest.  I wonder in that moment who would be there to meet Kathi and welcome her home. 

Returning to the window, I gaze outside and take note of the rain falling.  I feel sorrow for the pain Kathi endured and I am sad for those loved ones (especially Michael, Kate, Matt & Kerri) whom she had to leave behind.  The darkness of day seems to overshadow the mystery of death and resurrection into new life.  I feel hollow, empty, and void of any joy.  Looking to the dark sky, I ask God, “Why today?  Why today did He shower His mercy down and take Kathi Home?”

In the depths of my grief, I am made to see the blessings of His Time and the Greatness of His Love.  Today, mercy drops feel upon Kathi - giving her the courage and the peace she needed to leave this world. 

We are left to trust and accept this storm.  

To Capture & to Believe that blessings can be found in each fallen raindrop.

  

Rest in Peace, my dear sister-in-law & friend, Kathi

I am Happy

I am happy sitting next to my best friend, sharing the small cushioned area of a church pew.  Here is the love of my life, meeting me for mass (I dare say on a Tuesday morning).  He sneaks out of the office to attend, marking it on his work calendar. We share this space and the quietness found in the early hours; allowing God’s whisper to overshadow the loudness found in the world outside.

Just sitting there with him, I am happy.  But at the same time, I’m amazed at the people we have become.  Daily Mass was never on the radar for the busy, happy, hipster couple – I thought us to be. But low and behold, we have both found our way here today, without either one of us “kicking & screaming”.  If I was to be completely honest, it is Ken who inspires me to meet him at church.    And yes, just saying that is both a little weird and strange.

For anyone who knows us would think it to be the other way around.  Where I am loud and outspoken about my faith – Ken is a strong and silent pillar.  For those mornings he says, “I’m going to mass,” has me rushing around because, "I’ll be darned if he’s there without me"!   I’m often slow to “rise and shine” and do get easily distracted by emails, phone calls, social media and morning TV.  But hearing him say where he’s going – gets me moving to be by his side.

Now mind you, Ken is no angel (as he often reminds me).  His attendance at mass indicates his need for a little serenity.  Where so many people carry their struggles alone & in silence, we are lucky to have the quiet of these mornings to gain a little peace.  Sitting there I know if the day should ever come and I am no longer strong enough to get to mass – Ken will carry me there.  And if the day should ever present it self and I can no longer kneel – Ken will kneel for me.  And if I were ever incapable of praying – Ken will speak the words for me. 

Just thinking about that makes me happy.

Blessing of our Marriage that Tuesday Morning

Happy 30^th Anniversary
 to My One and Only Love

Over and Over

As I move awkwardly into position, I can hardly believe I am here today.  For I have told myself, over and over, it would be impossible (with my limbs so compromised and weak) to continue the discipline needed to practice yoga.  For five years I cautiously rolled out my mat in the safety and solitude of my home.  Performing modified variations of sun salutation, downward dog, pigeon, and warrior, all to my liking, without challenging myself to go deeper or further into each pose. Filled with negative energy, I brought little to what I was experiencing.  My thoughts travel back to a time when my body was in its fullness of health and "modifications" were not something I needed.  When I was able to completely stretch and hold stances, when I was flexible and fearless.

But today, as I reach, bend, breath through and enjoy a full hour of practice – under the guidance of an instructor at a lovely studio, incense burning with the pleasant smell of essential oils … I feel safe.  I command my mind to stop judging my body.  I release the thought of what I was once capable of doing and adapt to a new reality.   That voice inside my head which, over and over, told me what was impossible - was silenced today!

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU THINK – YOU’RE LISTENING!

**Thank you Leslie of Absolute Yoga for the gift of MS yoga**