As the weekend approaches, the fact that our time is our own catches me off guard. Years ago Ken would say, “Someday we will no longer be running to softball, football, school events & activities”. I could barely fathom that notion, as we went in different directions chauffeuring three kids to their appointed destinations. Many times feeling overwhelmed by not having a single day of the weekend to relax without someone’s schedule demanding our attention.
Today at 54, I sit poolside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and wonder what the day will hold. Stretched before me are hours of freedom having nowhere special to be. The calendar is empty of any markings indicating obligations. The day belongs to us and in that moment we are like newlyweds again – without the worries and responsibilities associated with people our age.
My mind races with exciting ideas and suddenly I am dreaming about hiking the trails at Caumsett Park, or a stroll on the boardwalk at Jones Beach, an afternoon journey to NYC for a show, or perhaps a simple bike ride around the neighborhood. The wonder and excitement is limitless as I sit with my feet dangling in the pool, dreaming.
But I am only capable of fantasizing when physical activities are involved. These damn MS symptoms have put a damper on so many adventures imaginable. They simply are no longer possible and daydreaming leaves me feeling cheated. How did we get to this season in our lives and why is it filled with such difficulties?
After more then 35 years of knowing one another, Ken seems to read my mind. He sits beside me and takes my hand. “So, what does my bride want to do today?” I do not share the dreams filling my thoughts or allude to the sorrow in my heart. Instead I lean my head upon his shoulder and say, “Anything honey, as long as I’ve got your hand in mine”