Eye Has Not Seen

When he brought over all the paraphernalia, I didn’t know whether to be really angry or really sad.  My father-in-law meant well, thinking only about my well being.  I would have none of that “stuff” in the house.  It was banished to the garage in that “out of sight, out of mind” place.  Really, did he think these things were essential and that someday I would need them?  Did he see something miraculous and healing that I just wasn’t seeing? 

All the anger I felt came from my pride and all the sadness from my fear.

Pride has a way of distorting your vision.  The idea that we can control our destiny and plan our fate is an arrogant notion.  I have spent the better part of my prayer life “Giving it to God” & “Letting Go”.  But yet, I felt I had some authority and command over my ability to walk without the use of any aids (which were now piling high).  I saw each of these things as a spotlight telling the world that I had a “problem”.  It took away my ability to fake my symptoms and be normal.  I could no longer pick and choose who knew that something “was not right with this lady”.  Damn, that cane and walker! 

Pride and Vanity blinded me from what really needed to be seen.

Worse than pride, was the feeling of sadness.  By the action of my father-in-law bringing these “gifts” to me, he was accepting a fate I was yet to embrace.   He was planning for a future I could not see for myself.  Every glance at the wheelchair and scooter, made my heart sink deeper into my chest.

That was my sorrow twisting the reality of what was before me.

And then the AMEN moment came.   I needed the wheelchair to take me a very long distance.  Cursing and swearing under my breath, embarrassed and hating every moment of this spectacle. I arrived at the place I needed to be with the help of the damn wheelchair!   But leaving would be a different story …

I felt the urge to walk, needing to stretch my legs.  Feeling strong I began the long walk back to the car – holding on and pushing the wheelchair.  With each step forward, my vision seemed less narrow and more focused.   I was on the “Road to Emmaus” and could now clearly see the space between me and my appointed destination, accomplished only with a walking aid.  I grabbed the handles a little tighter and seemed to walk faster.  Stronger with each step – I arrived but forever changed. Gone from view was seeing my disabilities and limitations magnified by my need for these aids.  With a new set of eyes, I saw what I could accomplish and the strength I gained leaning on that which I had cursed.  

With the help of my trusty cane and chariot (walker) - I do not have to stumble and fear falling.  The wheelchair will bring me to places I have yet to travel and the scooter will allow me to get there in great style!  Gone was my pride, gone was my sadness – replaced with new possibilities found in these walking aids, which were proving to be quite miraculous!